It’s hard to nail down exactly what it means to “have your shit together,” but you always know when you meet someone who does.
These
people are functional and competent, but never pretentious or elitist.
They make their beds and do their jobs and always seem to be
level-headed about all the nonsense the rest of us conflate into huge
crises.
No matter what your personal goals are, at the root of them all, you just want to have your shit together too.
But,
while this might be hard to believe, the truth is that nobody really
has it all together—not entirely, not all the time. But aspiring to
function well in your life, own personal responsibility, have real
diplomacy and social grace, a healthy temperament, and other similar
traits is definitely noble, if not crucial, to being well-received by
the world.
Therefore,
here is your official cheat sheet to getting your shit together… or at
the very least, convincing everyone else you do.
1. Have a Uniform Style
Decide
what you love and then wear it often. Either have a signature scent,
accessory, or color scheme that sets you apart. When people see you,
your appearance should align with who you say you are and what you say
you care about. Your style should match your personality, and it should
stay as consistent as possible. Think of CEOs who wear the same thing
every day or cartoon characters who stay in the same clothes. People
respond well to consistency.
2. Don’t Flaunt Weaknesses
If
you don’t want people thinking your life is a hot mess, then stop
talking about it being a hot mess on every platform every chance you
can. There’s a huge, enormous, world-altering difference between being
authentic and capitalizing on your struggles to earn sympathy or
whatever else some dark corner of your mind thinks you’re achieving by
complaining every hour of the day. You can keep it real without
overemphasizing what you’re not that great at. What you share is what builds other people’s image of you.
3. Stop Oversharing
On
the same note, realize that the 2012-2014 era of confessional essays is
over. Not every single person online and in your personal life needs to
know every single detail about your life. Not only that, but they don’t even want to know. If
you feel truly moved to share your struggle in some part of your life
hoping it will be therapeutic and help another person going through
it—amazing, please do that. But if you are just constantly telling
people way more information than is appropriate to share, it might seem
as though you don’t understand healthy boundaries.
4. Keep Things Clean
This
might seem really obvious, but it’s totally overlooked: People who have
their shit together have one really simple thing in common—they are
always clean. They clean themselves, their spaces, and their belongings.
They take care of themselves, their spaces, and their belongings. This
doesn’t require much money and really only minimal effort. Keeping your
life a little more tidy and organized will go a really long way.
5. Assume What You Say in Private Is Actually Public
I’m
not saying nobody is trustworthy, but we are all dealing with what I’m
going to call the “one person” phenomenon. Every single time you tell a
secret or important information to someone, if it’s interesting enough,
they will tell their one person. Then that person will their one person.
Ultimately, what you tell one person is what you tell everyone at the end of the day—so don’t say anything in private you do not want repeated in public.
6. Minimize Drama
Instead
of being someone who creates drama and issues, be someone who problem
solves and innovates with new ideas. Instead of creating more chaos
around a disagreement or issue, create a solution.
7. Talk About Things, Not Other People
Other
people and their lives are not topics of conversation. This is a lazy
way to forge connection with others if you have nothing more important
or interesting to discuss. Ultimately, being a gossip isn’t a good look.
It makes you seem vindictive and judgmental. Find things to talk about
that aren’t other people’s business. Your relationships will be better
for it.
8. Be Clear About Who You Are
For
people to respect you, they first have to understand you, and that
really begins with your language and approach to explaining yourself,
both online and in person. In general, you should have a single sentence
explanation that adequately sums up what you do professionally and then
another that sums up what you’re interested in personally. If you can’t
sum it up easily, you’re assuming your life is too complex and
nuanced—but you’re achieving the opposite effect than you desire because
you’ll just seem sort of lost.
9. Don’t Act Like an Authority When You’re Not
We
do one another a disservice by insisting on answering immediately and
impulsively in conversations and arguments. This is not how brains work.
This is also not how intelligent people behave. Instead of spewing out
whatever first comes to mind when you’re questioned about something,
pause, think about what you want to say, and calmly express that you
haven’t done enough research or hold enough expertise to speak on it
with authority, but you’d like to share your opinion or viewpoint.
And what isn’t in your authority? Anything you’re not an actual expert
in or don’t have personal, direct experience with. So most things you
talk about—but that’s okay. The point is to try to share opinions with
one another to generate more conversation, not to convince one other
about what’s absolute fact.
10. Keep Your Composure
People
who fly off the handle at every little thing do not seem strong and
tough, they seem weak and weak-willed. Anger is like gasoline when
there’s some kind of friction between people. It raises people’s
defenses and pushes a resolution farther away. If nobody else can manage
it, be the person in the room who can keep their composure and speak
clearly and calmly.
11. Stop Complaining
Complaining
isn’t venting. Venting is what you do when you need to get something
off your chest. If you have to vent every single time you see one of
your friends, there’s something wrong. Otherwise, you’re just in the
habit of complaining, and you need to get out of it. It’s ungrateful
and, a lot of the time, shortsighted. If you really think about it, you
have a lot more to appreciate than you have to stress about, but
emphasizing the latter will make your life seem worse than it is, and
that’s not what you want.
12. Have Principles
Principles
are the rules and guidelines you use to govern and manage your life. If
you value relationships, prioritize them by principle. If you want to
improve your self-care, do it regularly by principle. No, you will not
always want to wash your face, put on moisturizer, or drink another
glass of water when you need to. But if you succumb to your impulses all
the time, you’ll end up a shell of the person you’re meant to be—all
because you don’t have principles.
13. Receive Help When You Need Help
Behaving
as though you can do absolutely everything yourself limits you. When
you need help, you need help. Ask for it, receive it, and understand
that it does not make you less dignified.
14. But Remember You’re Responsible for You
You
are ultimately responsible for whatever experience of life you want to
have. You are responsible for your electric bill, for how well you keep
up with current events, for how you interact with others, for how well
you do at work, and for how much you sleep. You have to take an active
role in your life, not a passive one. Don’t think and act like life is
just happening to you and you have to accept it. Start taking creative
control.
15. Compliment Others
Your
willingness to uplift others is a sign of real confidence. People who
are not happy with themselves cannot be happy with others. And there’s
even more benefit to you because the more you are willing to affirm and
love others, the more you are going to see yourself with more love and
appreciation. Remember, your relationships with others are reflections
of your greatest relationship—which is the one you have with yourself.
16. Organize Your Paperwork, Clean Your Linens, and Know How to Cook At Least One Meal
Absolutely no adult is beyond this.
17. Be Aware of Your Finances
If
you don’t want to be the person who questions whether their card will
be declined somewhere, make sure you’re checking on your accounts before
you actually go out and spend money. You should know your debts, your
incomes, and your goals. You shouldn’t be in the dark about your
financial health.
18. Know Your Limits
Feed
yourself when you’re hungry; rest when you’re tired; know how to
gracefully bow out of a social situation, relationship, house party or
job when you need to. If you wait until you’ve passed your limits,
you’re going to burn out and burn bridges at the same time.
19. Stop Thinking Everyone’s Thinking About You—They’re Not
In
the age of social media, so it’s easy to become victim to the spotlight
complex, which is the idea that everyone is thinking about you and
evaluating your life decisions frequently. They aren’t. Everyone is
thinking about themselves all the time, in the same way that you are
thinking about yourself all the time. Those coincidences you’re so sure
mean everyone deeply cares about the intricacies of your life? It’s
probably confirmation bias, your brain’s way of filtering information to
affirm what it already believes. The first step to being self-aware is
recognizing that other people’s thoughts do not revolve around you.
20. Keep It Simple
People
who are able to simplify their lives come across as sophisticated.
People who complicate their lives do not. People who have their shit
together are able to live simply, to enjoy simple things, to show up as
they are, and to sort through issues with clarity.
Most
importantly, remember that the point of getting your shit together is
to make your life easier and more enjoyable—not to impress anyone else.
But like most anything else, getting your shit together is a matter of
faking it until you make it, and this is the best place to start.
